Something i wrote in a PM

it is my flashback to a day that only occurred in my mind that i would like to share with my friend.
(i wrote this after i blew up at Josh... again... for being flirty with everyone else but me. this is my nonfictional story)

im sick of him doing this to me. i feel like a little kid that follows him around sucking on her thumb while begging him to give her a piggy back ride, only im not even his favorite little kid so he pushes me away from him, says he doesnt want to because he's too tired from giving all the other girls piggy back rides and i fall over and scrape my little 4 year old knee on the sidewalk. then i wipe the blood up with a paper towel and show it to him, i did not cry even one bit when i fell. i hold the bloody paper towel up to him
and say with my little 4 year old voice "Do you see how i bled for you and did not cry? i took it like an older kid, why cant i be treated like an older kid?"
and then he'll smirk and say "Because you are not an older kid. wait a couple years and if i dont have someone else, maybe i'll have somewhere for you in my heart. now go away, im gonna go talk to that blonde over there."
then he leaves me there with my bloody paper towel, and since it is the only thing i have to hug i hug it and get my own blood all over my new shirt that i'd gotten to see if he would notice it. he did not.
so now i am standing on the sidewalk, and i begin to cry. i cry for everything that he'd done for me and everything he'd done to me.
i cry because i want him so bad and he'll never want me back.
it is at this point when my flashback on the side of the road fades out and you see my normal, 14 year old self standing there hugging my rugged old backpack to my chest and a tear falls down my cheek. i still miss him, and im still waiting for him.
i was a smart little 4 year old, i knew i would wait my whole life.
too bad i was so stubborn, i never learned how to let go.