Saturday, June 30, 2007

Sunday Morning Coffee




I just woke up.
Its sunday morning, and Im making coffee.
And i've decided im going to start a thing on my blog where every sunday morning i post a new picture of Charlie and I and Im going to talk about random junk that i wanna do on sunday instead of what im forced to do... run around hong kong with my family.
so.. Charlie is the black baby, and Im Lexy. xD LOL
Today, i would really like to go to either Oceans 13 or Fantastic 4 so that i can write a review and blah, i've already seen fantastic 4, but the whole time i was focused on Jessica Alba instead of the movie.... so, yea. and i also wanna try this thing wiht popcorn and chocolate that i got from First Daughter (With Katie Holmes) and First daughter is actually a movie that Hollywood stole from Josh and I after we wrote a story on the first daughter falling in love with her bodyguard... i know im not as cute as Katie Holmes, but oh well.
I mean, really... Its totally our story! anyways, in it James helps her escape from her secret service men and they sneek into a theater and he poors the chocolate snack all over the popcorn and its disgusting and great they love it and i wanna try doing it.,
Though Josh refuses to, cuz he likes doing stuf his own way, which is why i can never marry him, cuz he wont ever do stuff with me. xP *sigh* oh well.
so, Today, i wanna go see Fantastic 4 or Oceans 13 at the Festival Walk mall in Kowloon Tong, which is awesome and then i wanna go buy calvin klein clothes just like my dad's so we'll match... and then TOMORROW i wanna go shopping at the markets cuz its a work day tomorrow and there wont be a million people all over. xP

Oh... My coffee is almost done. i will post a picture when it is completely finnished and in a mug that will be in my hand in the picture that im gonna take right before i post it. =) xP

but for now, Im gonna stop writing so y'all can admire my baby's adorable-ness.
=)

Its all a Beautiful Lie

I've been thinking and talking with my friend grace a lot... this is one of our PMs from SL- or, my part anyways. i wont go and post things that she says on my blog. xP so... yea.

Live...and die... hhm, yea, i guess... that's actually the mood i've been in for a while, i wanna get through life as fast as i can so i can be with God sooner and i wont be feeling like crap about my birthmom all the time... but then i thought, i wouldn’t be here if i wasnt supposed to do something. you know? sure, i'd still exist... but i would have died really young or something... i know that every second i have on earth is time that im supposed to do something with... the rapture could happen right now, and its scarry to think about. if we just sit around and never do anything with the time we have here, what's God gonna say to us when we get to the judgment day? "good for you, you sat around." no... he'd be disappointed.
I'm trying to focus on what i can do with the interests he's given me here... like celebs, how can i use my obsession in celebs for him?
seems impossible, the only thing i can come up with, but i guess nothing's really impossible.

I dont know really, I've been so extremely confused for the past couple weeks about this whole thing, I feel like im traped in the Matrix... No Joke. i actually feel like im not here right now, like Im somewhere else, but im stuck here and while i wait to return to my other half im supposed to do something important.
I figured that some ministry for/with celebrities would be a good start, but then that brings up another problem... HOW amd i supposed to do it?! Its not like i can just walk into NYU in 4 years and be like "K, im here, give me an agent." i have to actually work REALLY hard for it, and even if i do, and i succeed and everything, I still might not get picked for anything!
Its all kind of depressing and making me wish i was like a little sibling of one of the huge celebs, like Jamie Lynn Spears or Aliana Lohan... they dont know how lucky they are.
but i guess if i WAS related to one of the amazing celebs, i would be trashy and horrid like the rest of them and would have never gotten this ambition.
its all confusing and a bit annoying- cause i feel like i'll never be adequate enough for Hollywood's aspects unless i stoop down to their level... but if i do that, i might get sucked into the black hole of missing stuff and lost/crushed dreams and pulled into a universe of Parties and drinking and drugs, and it would be horrible, but in a beautiful way.
It would be like my dear Lindsay Lohan's song... (which is actually sort of evil, the beginning...) "Its a beautiful Life, Or Lie"
I finnaly interpreted that song to have some good meaning, along with its wicked beginning. She refers to God as a "she" which made me cry for her. and if she somehow reads this blog on her blackberry durring her next interview like she does apparently, all the time, good for her. she'll think i suck. and i dont care.
The rest of the song actually has a very introverted back ground in its lyrics though,
it goes:


"God wont talk to me, I guess *he's pretty busy lately
I'd like to believe *he's Listening.
Im starting to feel
all of my bruises imagined are real
and i'll get through each day
I dig through the bad ones
to get to the good ones
who's keeping score anyway?

And this is my beautiful Life
the only thing certain is everything changes.
Lows and the highs, and all those goodbyes!
as hard as it gets, i know it's still amazing
to be alive
Its a beautiful Life.

I talk in my sleep
that's the one place i know no one can hear me
I tell myself things
Dont walk in the shaddows
there's always tomorrow,
and im right where I wanna be!

And this is my beautiful Life
the only thing certain is everything changes.
Lows and the highs, and all those goodbyes!
as hard as it gets, i know it's still amazing
to be alive
Its a beautiful Life.

Oh! It hurts while its happening!
I wanna feel everything!
how can you know till you try?

and this is my... beautiful Life...
Oh... hhh

My Beautiful Life! The only thing certain is EVERYTHING changes!
Lows and the HIGHS! And ALL those goodbyes!
As hard as it gets i know its still amazing
To be alive!

Its a beautiful life
its a beautiful life
Its a beautiful... life...
or lie."


Now, depending on if you're listening with your mind open or not, you might intemperate it differently. people who hate her guts will be like "the song sucks, blah blah, she's lame" but if you arent focusing on her... and focusing on the deeper meanings, what would you come up with?

here's my interpretation...

The first verse was just there cuz she wanted to make everyone happy with her, by putting in spiritual meaning.... and possibly so she could take off her shirt and wear a rosary for the album art. (xP)
I dig through the bad ones to get to the good ones... That is a good idea for an atheist... keeps you from having suicidal thoughts, and still gives you hope and something to look forward to... tomorrow is a new day.


The chorus... now, i love the chorus. the only thing certain is everything changes... absolutely true. nothing in your life is certain... but you know for sure everything will eventually change, and you have no control over it... she's saying she's letting go, and going with the flow of her life... and that she isnt gonna give up just cuz its hard, she loves being alive and enjoys it, even the rough parts. cause that's part of being human, you go through tough times.

The second verse, now... is my favorite part of the song, because it relates the most to me.
I talk in my sleep, thats the one place i know no one can hear me... I used to do that. though, i would half talk myself TO sleep, because it would induce certain dreams i wanted, and i knew that if i could lock myself in my own world while i slept, i would feel safe. that was back when i trusted Lindsay for everything in my life, instead of relying on God. It was so wrong, but the song i think still had meaning.
I tell myself things, dont walk in the shaddows, there's always tomorrow, im right where i wanna be... now, this part of the verse is good as well. she's given up into the darkness, but she stil has her fears... the shaddows are dangerous, even if you give into them... There's always tomorrow, keeps you going in the rough times... it urges you on just a bit further. You'll always have something to look forward to, tomorrow. but i must warn you all who are not believers, where do you think you'll be going when it all ends? if you just live each day, take baby steps through your life, what have you lived for? and where are you going? these are my questions for all you atheists out there.

the bridge, yes... the bridge is good,
It hurts while its happening, i wanna feel everything, how can you know till you try?
This applies to everyone. Think about it all, Life hurts while its happening, but you want to feel as much as you possibly can before it ends, and how CAN you know till you try? You cant have a theory on life until you've lived it, but if you've lived it you have to deal with all the pain and hurt and the sudden stop at the end that's gonna sting.

and then, the end, she whispers the words "or Lie" and i smiled and said "Bravo Lindsay, Bravo." it was very well thought out, and i agree with the title that she's awarded herself... "Introspective" because she is. she's worked with Kara Dioguardi on all her songs and i applaud her.
well done.

Lola's Depression (Part 2)



Again, i need somewhere to put my stories for when i move and they wont be with me for 6 months as i'll be waiting for my computer to arive at my house. xP
so... sorry, i know i suck at writing. but y'all can just ignore the stories... (those of you who actually read this... not that there are any, which makes me feel better about posting my lame stories. xP)


She awoke the next morning; her sides ached from crying all night.
She lay in her bed, her make up from the previous day that had been running down her cheeks had dried and there were black streaks leading from the dark circles under her eyes to her chin. She sat up in her bed and slid her legs over the edge of the mattress and out from under her black sheets and comforter.
She leaned over the side and grabbed her head with both hands and spread her fingers out wide. With an exhausted yawn, she fell backwards on the bed again.
She moaned and rolled over. It was summer, so she didn’t have to go to school, she didn’t have to do chores because they had a maid, and she had the privilege of laying in bed all day long. But she didn’t really want to. What she really wanted was to get on her phone and call her birthmother who was over in America with her 3 other children she had had after Lola had been adopted by her older sister.
What Lola really wanted was to somehow contact her mother and let her know all of her emotions and what she had been feeling deep down ever since the day that her mother had driven her off to her sister’s house and left her there.
She desperately wanted to run back to America, collapse in her mother’s arms and never let her leave her again.
She wanted to tell her everything about how she denied ever needing her mother after she’d given her up, but how she always needed her... every second without her was torture. She wanted to tell her how angry she was with her about how she had given her up, but she’d kept all her other kids, and how she still visited her, but never said anything about it. She wanted to know if her mother felt the same way about her, too.
But Lola was too depressed. She lay there, on her bed, lifelessly.
She wanted to die. She wanted to get up and kill herself, but she couldn’t.
She feared that if she moved she would do something very bad, so she forced herself to lie still, and she tried to walk back up to the battle line.
She slowly and cautiously picked up her sword. And then she thought… what would happen if she let herself die in her mind? Would she go crazy? Or would she die just like Aubrey Fleming did in that one horror film? You know, the one her mom wont let her watch because its rated R… and because she cant watch it, she knows everything about it.
She lies on her black sheets, deep in thought.
Though outside, she looked peaceful, inside her introverted mind, she was fighting hard.
She was debating herself over the few options she had.
To call her mother, to just lie there doing nothing and feeling sorry for herself, or to let herself basically die inside the world she had created for herself as a safe haven where she could run and hide when things in the real world got too hard, a safe haven which had now become a battle field of her thoughts.
And she was the captain, leading both teams… that made it even more depressing and confusing, because she didn’t know which side she was on, and she didn’t know which side to fight for.
There she stands, in her world, with her sword clutched close to her chest, in the middle of the fight. Both sides are screaming at her to give them orders, and no one was co-operating. This was making Lola even more confused because she couldn’t control where her mind was taking her anymore. She couldn’t control what happened in her mind, and she couldn’t believe that she was losing a battle she had made up.
It all just seemed so inadequate to reality and completely insane. The chaos made Lola’s brain hurt… a lot. She stood in the middle of a battle she had made up to take place of her real battles, and she was losing to herself. So she did the only thing she thought she had control over… she took her sword and plunged it into her heart. As she fell lifelessly onto her own ground, her own blood flowing from her body that had just lost its soul, but in the real world, she was un-knowingly picking up her cell phone and dialing a long distance phone number. She called her mother and had almost a 3-hour conversation, bawling the whole time. She still didn’t get an answer though; she was still left alone, with no one. She knew that she’d never get her mother back; she’d never be her baby again. She’d never get anything she wanted. When she hung up the phone, her eyes opened wide and she sat up in her bed. It was a dream, a fantasy. I guess she’s been living in her fictional world a lot lately. The trouble is, she didn’t know if she’d even spoken with her mother, had she? Or had she just wished it and it became real in her own world, but not in the real one? Did her mother really know how she felt, or had she just wished that too? Is she even in reality? Jeez, Lola has mental problems.

The Conception Of Herself (part 2)



I didnt wanna post the entire thing i've been writing earlier, so here's the rest of what i have so far... im only posting it so that when i move and dont have it on my desktop anymore (in 5 days) I'll still be able to have it.



{2 Weeks Later}
Sprawled across a waist-high table, strapped down with blood-drenched ropes, is our missing person.
The Aubrey Fleming, whom the Police are doing a horrible job of finding.
Aubrey, around 5’5, had blood on her forehead, cheeks, hair, and basically everywhere else. Her clothes had been ripped off and she was crying in hysterics. A man stepped into the light that was shining so brightly down on our Aubrey’s body. He was holding a bloody knife in his right hand, and holding her down, continued to saw the screaming girl’s right leg slowly. This was the same man with the baseball cap that had kidnapped Aubrey 2 weeks before.
Though he kept his head down so she couldn’t see his face, underneath the rim of his hat she could see his mouth, and the evil grin that it held. His piercing laugh was the last thing she heard before she slipped into unconsciousness induced by the excruciating pain in her leg.

Driving down a dusty road in the country was a 20-year-old girl on her way home from work. It was a dark and rainy night and she was constantly on the look out to make sure she didn’t hit an animal or a tree. She was Aubrey’s best friend, or one of them at least. Her name was Mona Casedy. She’d been one of the two friends who made the mistake of letting Aubrey go to the store without them the night she was kidnapped, and Mona hadn’t let herself sleep because of it.
As she glanced around the sides of the road, she saw what looked like a human figure in a ditch. She immediately stopped her car and ran over to the ditch with a flashlight that she found in her glove box. “Hey, are you okay?” she yelled to the person, shinning her light on it. When she saw exactly what it was she gasped and ran down the steep mudslide. It was a girl, lying face down in the mud, with a bloody stump where her right leg used to be. The woman flipped her over to see if she was the girl that had been all over the news for the past 2 weeks. She wiped the mud away from the person’s face and gasped again. It was Aubrey, and she was alive, barely. Thinking quickly, the woman reached into her pocket and dialed 911. She sat in the mud and rain with Aubrey, stroking her blood drenched hair, until the ambulance and police arrived.

Sitting on a couch, watching the news, was Mr. Fleming, a middle aged, tall, handsome man with a trim beard and sandy Blonde hair that looked very ratted, like he had tried to pull it out. He hadn’t left his couch for 2 straight weeks, as to not miss anything on the ware bouts of his daughter, even though he knew that the police would contact him as soon as they found anything out. Maybe he just trusted CNN more. He had Dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and he sat, staring at the TV, with a dull expression. Perhaps young Aubrey got her possessed, introverted look from him.
The phone rang at 3 AM during the thunderstorm that had been messing up his cable, and he answered it with a dull and tired sounding tone. “Hello?” he said wearily.
His eyes suddenly got wide and he yelled for Mrs. Fleming to come. Mrs. Fleming, a middle aged woman, with long brown hair, and brown eyes with long eye lashes, walked in the room, sleepily, here eyes half closed and she managed to moan the words “what? Its 3 in the morning”
Mr. Fleming gestured for her to come quickly. “They found Aubrey!” he cried. Instantly, Mrs. Fleming sprang to life and ran over to the couch, where they both listened to the police officer tell them about their daughter. “Is she alive?” asked Mr. Fleming. “How bad is she?”
The police officer’s muffled voice was hard to make out with them both listening at the same time with the same phone. But they managed to understand. He told them that their daughter was unconscious, and her leg appeared to have been sawed off, and that the doctors were amputating the infected parts around the bottom and covering the wound, and that the Flemings should come down to the hospital right then. Mr. Fleming jumped off the couch and ran to start the car. They didn’t change out of their night gown and pants, they rushed as fast as they could to the hospital where the police escorted them to the room where they could see Aubrey through a window as the doctors operated.
They watched in Horror as their daughter’s leg was being sewed up.
3 Hours later, Aubrey awoke in the hospital room. Her parents were wearing scrubs and masks just like the doctors. “Aubrey, How are you feeling?” asked Mr. Fleming. Mrs. Fleming stroked her daughter’s hair softly. “We’re going to have you home soon darling.” She said with a smile. Aubrey looked up at them terrified and confused. “Who… are you?” she said between gasps for air. “Who... is ‘Aubrey’?”
Her hoarse voice was shaky and near tears. Mr. Fleming stared at her in shock and Mrs. Fleming looked away to hide her tears that were about to start rapidly rushing into her eyes. “You… are Aubrey, you’re our daughter.” Said Mr. Fleming, calmly. “My name is not ‘Aubrey.’” She answered, slowly. “Who are you?!” she yelled after a pause, as a few tears fell down her pale, freckled cheeks. “Mr. and Mrs. Fleming, I’m going to have to ask you to leave so the patient can have some time to recover.” Said a doctor was he led them to the door. The Flemings were in shock and as they walked out, kept their eyes on Aubrey who was equally shocked and confused.

{One 2 weeks earlier}

On A Bench in the middle of a College Campus,
Aubrey Fleming looked up grinning from behind a big bouquet of blue roses that her boyfriend had so recently handed her.
“They’re gorgeous, Andy, Thank you.” She said with a smile as she kissed him.
“Dakota loves blue roses just as much as I do.”
Andy’s smile faded and He hung his head and sighed. “Aubrey, what’s with you and ‘Dakota’?” He asked as he looked up at her confused face. “I mean, you talk about her like she’s real. It’s just some stupid assignment for class.”
Aubrey rolled her eyes as she realized the reason for Andy’s sigh. “Baby, when are you going to stop getting on me about her?” she said as she set the roses down next to her. “I’ve explained to you as best I can about it. I’ve tried my best to show you… why wont you just…” Andy covered her mouth softly, to keep her from getting herself riled up about something that didn’t matter.
“Aubrey, you made her up. You made up her town, her family, her lovers, her dances, you made up a world that you can go and hide in when you’re afraid and scared of the real one. Why can’t you just admit that?” He let go of her mouth and stared into her hazel-green eyes waiting for her answer that he knew she was trying to adequately figure out inside her creative mind in the most introverted way she could. She always took her time responding to questions she didn’t want to answer but that she knew she had to.
After about 60 seconds of staring at Andy, she got up and sat on his lap.
“Andy, I know its hard to believe, and I don’t blame you for thinking that I’m making it all up…” she paused for a moment to think through exactly what she was trying to say.
“How about I try something different? I could show you tonight. I’ll come over to your house after school, okay? I’ll bring you to a place where I can prove everything about Dakota and more… Okay?” she looked dreamily into his blue eyes and kissed him again.
“Okay.” He said, as he nodded. “Just promise that I won’t be wasting my time.”
Aubrey climbed off his lap and picked up the roses. She inhaled slowly, and seemed to slip into a dreamy zone, and her eyes glazed over as she sighed, a long sigh. It made Andy remember why he was so in love with her. It was the sigh she always got before she went through one of her sexual phases.
She closed her Glossy eyes and smiled as Andy put his arm around her. “You promise you’ll be open and listen to me, and you wont be wasting your time.” That was the last statement she made before she got up and walked to her class.

There she was, about 15 minuets later, Standing up in the front of her college class with her hair in a messy pony-tale and her black glasses on the end of her cute little nose that was what God had intended when he said ‘Let there be… Nose!’
She clutched onto her 20-page essay and started reading.
“Dakota- By Aubrey Fleming.
Her Name is Dakota. She knew how to turn her life into a movie and watch things happen. Not to her, but to a girl that looks Just like her. How would she ever be able to find her other half? She knew only that she had to try, she had no choice.” As she went on and on, her eyes glazed over once more and she looked as if her soul got sucked out of her body and danced around her as she read. She looked Possessed, like demons were helping her read like an angel; she didn’t even look down at her paper once. She stared out at the class, and her soul lead her eyes around the room as she kept speaking about Dakota. This Dakota Moss, who was allegedly trapped inside of Aubrey, somewhere, though she didn’t know where exactly or how to come out. Aubrey believed with all her heart that Dakota was inside of her. Helping her in areas that the original Aubrey couldn’t help herself. She believed that Dakota was the cause of her sudden straight A’s in her classes, because she claims she’d done nothing different. And she believes that Dakota is the cause of her ‘Dancing’ abilities she suddenly got during a ‘late night’ at Andy’s house a couple months before.
She had come over to his house in the pouring rain and took him up to his bedroom to his bedroom to show him her talents she was so excited about. She had never been able to dance before that night, so Andy didn’t believe her… but after she stripped and danced around his loft bed with a glazed over expression he swore he’d never let her go.
I guess that’s just the thing with guys, you screw them once; they’re hooked for life.
He still didn’t believe that it was her precious ‘Dakota’ she’d been writing about, he just thought she was trying to freak him out, or maybe to have an excuse for sex. But he never imagined she could have actually been serious,
until a couple weeks later when Dakota started coming up in their conversations.
Aubrey had started actually talking about Dakota as if she was her best friend, or her sister, and Andy had pushed it off for a while.
Aubrey Fleming was the type of girl who told you what she was thinking when you asked; she didn’t try to push you away unless she knew there was no good in saying something. She was open and personal with her friends and family, and therefore, someone she thought was at times possessing her and giving her unusual abilities was something that’s bound to come up in a personal conversation about her life. She found the subject of Dakota so fascinating, however, that she had become a little bit obsessed with the girl. She started spending more and more time practicing dancing, more and more time working at the strip club, and more and more time tending to Andy’s Male needs/wants. She did everything she thought would bring Dakota out while she was around people she knew (and those she didn’t know) because she sort of blacked out when Dakota ‘possessed’ her, so that those she showed could tell her what happened.
Often Dakota would come out randomly when Aubrey would be Reading or working on school. She would be writing an essay or finishing up an assignment for class and her eyes would glaze over and she would start typing without thinking. It was a sort of endless typing that would go on for hours at a time. Aubrey would lock her bedroom door and type at least 3 times quicker than her usual speed. When she would wake in the morning, her finished essay would be about 20 pages long, printed and sitting on her desk and she would get A’s and A+’s every time. Any normal girl would be scared out by the illusion that is Dakota, the thought of being possessed by someone she created.
But not Aubrey, she was the kind of girl who would try to find the one doing it… the kind of girl that would search out Dakota until she figured out how to connect personally with her. She was truly obsessed in Dakota.

There she stood, in the front of her college writing class, reading her essay on ‘Dakota Moss’ she’d written a month before. The girl she knew so well, yet she’d never spoken to. The girl who was watching her constantly, but whom she never saw.
The girl she loved and hated, and the girl she had to find, because she had no choice.
Aubrey Fleming also believed that Dakota tried to tell her things about herself within the essays and papers, and she believed that Dakota was trying to get out to talk to her.
“She knew only that she had to try, she had no choice” were the last words in Aubrey’s paper. The applause seemed to scare her sole back into her human form and she instantly came back to life. She took a bow and then her seat.
After her class was over, Andy walked her to her car. “How do you do that?” he asked as he opened the door for her.
“Do what?” she asked with a smile, climbing in behind the wheel.
“How do you write like that? Everyone in the class was in shock; Mike came up to me after and asked if you’d downloaded it off of the Internet or something. I never knew you could write that well.”
Aubrey laughed as she turned the keys. “I cant. It was Dakota.” She said with a grin as she drove off. Andy was left there, standing alone in the parking lot; and he just threw his hands up in the air and yelled “What the Hell Aubrey?!”
She stuck her hand out the window and gave him the finger and then drove off to her house to get ready.

In her bedroom, Aubrey was hurriedly getting dressed and shuffling through her Victoria Secret drawer. She decided to go with a 60’s, Ann Margaret look that Andy loved so much. She ratted her long red hair into a 60’s style, and put on a dark-red Lace-up corset and Black see-through leggings. Then she put on Prada High-Heels and a long jacket over the outfit so that her parents wouldn’t see it when she went out.
She got in her car and drove off to Andy’s house. When he opened the door she grabbed his hand and marched him up to his bedroom.
“Okay,” she said as she closed the door behind them. “I am going to prove to you that I don’t know how to do this.” She started to open the jacket, but Andy broke in. “Baby, you do… I’ve witnessed it already.” Aubrey covered his mouth and shook her head. “That was Dakota… Aubrey can’t do it. I mean… I can’t do it.” She paused for a second and shook her head quickly as if trying to get herself to think straight.
“Okay, I’m gonna start dancing and then Dakota will hopefully come out. When she does, don’t let her do anything… Talk to her. Okay?”
Andy nodded and rested his head in his hands. “So where is She?” he said after Aubrey had started dancing. He watched Aubrey’s silent face, as the dance got better, Aubrey turned pail and her eyes glazed over. “Aubrey, are you okay?” he said getting out of his chair. “She’s fine.” Said Aubrey, with sort of an evil grin. Her tone was soft, and sounded deep and creamy… seductive is the word the author is looking for. Her voice sounded seductive and Andy felt the blood leave his face. “What are you talking about Aubrey?”
Aubrey looked at him, though not completely. She looked like a blind person, pretending to look at someone. “So you must be Aubrey’s boyfriend. She’s told me about you.” Aubrey walked closer to him and sat on his lap and started running her fingers through his hair. “Stop it Aubrey!” he yelled, pushing her off of him. “Aubrey’s not here Andy.” She said in the same dreamy tone. “She wanted me to show you.”
Andy shook his head. “No, this is not funny Aubrey, I mean it. Stop!”
Aubrey grinned and started to unlace her Corset. “What are you doing?” yelled Andy.
“I’m proving what she asked me to prove. She said something about a birthmark. Where is it?”
Andy looked confused. “In the middle of your chest. It looks like a rose… What are you talking about Aubrey?”
Aubrey shook her head. “I told you, Aubrey’s not here.” She ripped open the corset and walked closer to Andy. “Look, no birthmark. See?”
Andy sat in shock and reached out to touch her chest. “What happened to it? Did you cover it up?” he started rubbing in the spot where the birthmark was. “No. I’m not Aubrey.” She said.
Andy stumbled back and fell into his chair again. “What the hell is going on?”
Aubrey grinned. “So you believe her now?” Andy shook his head. “No, what is going on?” he yelled. “Do you believe that I’m not Aubrey?” she yelled back.
“Fine, okay! You aren’t Aubrey! Tell me where your birthmark went!”
Aubrey closed her eyes and then fell on the ground. Andy rushed to pick her up and he laid her on his bed. “Aubrey!” he yelled as he checked for her pulse. She jumped awake and started panting, the glazed look in her eyes had vanished and she was Aubrey again.
“What happened?” she screamed as she sat up, terrified. Andy didn’t reply, he opened her corset again and then fell backwards when he saw the rose birthmark right back where it had always been. Aubrey was panting and looking down at him, confused and worried. When he looked at her birthmark, she realized what had happened. “She told you! She showed you, didn’t she?” she yelled excitedly as she laced the corset back up.
“So you believe me now!” she climbed off the bed and kneeled on the floor next to him. He grabbed her arms and pulled her closer. “Aubrey! You’re Aubrey again?” he yelled.
“Yes, yes, I’m Aubrey! Dakota came out, didn’t she? You talked to her? Did she show you?” Aubrey smiled excitedly at him, and he nodded frantically but said nothing. “Andy, talk to me!” said Aubrey after a few seconds. Andy shook his head.
“Say something! Please?” She got in his face and made her eyes as big and round as she could.
“What just happened?” He asked after staring at her for 3 minuets. She smiled and pulled him up to sit on the edge of the bed. “Dakota did it, didn’t she? She came out and talked to you?” Andy nodded.
“What did she say? Does she sound like me?” Aubrey was getting more and more excited. Andy lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Yea, I thought you were just playing games. But then she showed me the place where your birthmark is, and it wasn’t there…” He put his hand on his forehead and sighed. “Aubrey, how’d you do that?”
Aubrey looked confused. “What do you mean? Dakota did it.” Andy shook his head and sat up again. “No, I mean how did you create her? How could that stupid assignment make her real? I don’t get it!” Aubrey grinned. “She’s real cause I believed in her. That’s all I did. I wrote about her, and she came to life. My brain conceived her all on it’s own, I just witnessed it. Its amazing Andy, I feel like I can do anything with her! She started out as some stupid paper I had to write, and now she’s making me do all this stuff, Dancing, and writing, its great! You… do believe me, right?” Andy kissed her and grinned. “Yea, I believe you. But I’m in love with Aubrey, not Dakota. And I don’t want to sleep with her, okay? Don’t make her ‘come out’ around me anymore. It’s creepy.”
Aubrey smiled. “As long as I have a say in it, I’ll do my best. It was getting annoying, blacking out during sex anyways. I was beginning to miss you.” She smiled and kissed him, as she pushed him down onto the bed. He pulled her legs tight against his waist and ripped open the corset. “Her breasts were bigger than yours.” He whispered as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She laughed and kept kissing and sucking on his lips. “Of course they were.” She said, pausing every few seconds to speak. “I made her me, only better. I just left out the birthmark accidentally.” Andy laughed and flipped over so that he could pin her arms down. “You’re a goddess” he said as he kissed her neck. Aubrey giggled and sighed. “I know, but you don’t have to keep reminding me.” Andy kissed down her neck and her chest. “Why would I deny a wonderful fact?”
Aubrey giggled again and ran her fingers through his hair. “Baby, I’m the greatest.”

The Next Morning, Aubrey awoke to Andy’s kiss. “Oh, we have to do that more often.” She said, stretching her arms out.
“I don’t know babe, I don’t know if I can take much more of the goddess Aubrey’s wrath. It’s cutting into my…” Aubrey broke in by slapping him playfully. “Oh shut up Andy!” she said, laughing. Andy grabbed her and started tickling her knees.
Aubrey hated being tickled and so she started screaming and Andy’s dogs were awakened. The dogs started scratching at the door and howling until Andy walked over and let them in. His dogs adored Aubrey and jumped on top of her as soon as Andy let them in. Andy had 2 dogs, they were a Chocolate Lab, and a Black Lab, and they enjoyed more than anything, having Aubrey stay the night because she always let them sleep with her and Andy. Or at least, she usually let them sleep with them. The past night had been an exception in her rules because they were getting a little more personal than usual. The dogs never liked being locked out when Aubrey went in, but what were they gonna do about it? They were both so stupid that when Andy let them in they had forgotten that he’d locked them out in the first place, and ran up to Aubrey as if she’d just arrived.
They also didn’t seem to care about the fact that Aubrey was wearing absolutely nothing and Andy was just in Calvin Klein. They were dogs, they didn’t notice modesty, they noticed smell. And Aubrey always smelled like roses, blue roses to be exact. And unfortunately, the dogs loved to eat blue roses, so Aubrey always had to bring some hidden in her shirt. As you can see, the dogs now have a dilemma, for Aubrey is not wearing a shirt. So they ran to the closet and took out her shoes, no roses. So Aubrey pulled blue pedals out of her hair and gave them to the dogs, which ate them faster than Aubrey could describe them.
After being amused for a while, Aubrey checked her watch. She took one look at it and jumped out of the bed. “God, we over slept!” she yelled. “We’re gonna be late for Class!” she ran over to the side of the bed and picked up her corset which was ripped down the seam. She looked over at Andy annoyed and held it up. “What am I supposed to do with this?” she asked. Andy got out of the bed again and took it from her. “Hey babe, I was thinking. Lets play hooky today. We can lay around all day and eat.” Aubrey shook her head and grabbed the corset out of his hands. “No, I have to keep my perfect attendance record or else I can’t get that modeling job I’ve been working for. I have to show up at school today.” She paused and looked up at his blue eyes that were glowing. “But I’ll be awfully lonely without you… so please come with me.” Andy shook his head; it was his turn to deny the opposite lover. “I’d love to baby, but what are you gonna wear?”
He asked, looking down at the ripped corset and her nude body. “Cause as far as I can see, If you try to come in today, you’ll be kicked out faster than you can get out.” Aubrey threw the corset at his face and ran into his closet. She came out with some of his skinny jeans which could barely fit around her curvy hips, and wearing a big black t-shirt with the words “Make Love” in red print on the front and a picture of Aubrey on the back, and a red base ball cap. Then she took some of his mother’s old tennis shoes that were plain white but fit her perfectly. “I thought I’d dress up as you for the day. What do you think?” she spun around and he tried not to laugh, but had little success. “Baby…” he said slowly as she put her hands on her hips “You look great.” He said, as he ran his hands under the shirt and over her abs. “Your turn, Mr. Calvin Klein.” She said pushing him into the closet. “And wear your other skinny jeans and that white t-shirt that’s got the blue rose with my face photoshoped into the side pedals, I love that shirt.”
Andy pulled on the jeans and shirt and found an old black hat that he wore in middle school and the beginning of high school. “Great, we’re dorks. Now lets get out of here.”
The dogs barked as Aubrey and Andy walked to the door. Aubrey kissed both the dog’s noses and then let them run down the stairs a head of her and Andy.
“Bobby, John, be good. And don’t eat Andy’s couch again okay? Y’all know how well that worked out for you last time.” She yelled after the dogs. “I didn’t come over for a week! So y’all behave, alright?” the dogs barked and wagged their long tails and Aubrey grinned. “K babe, are we taking your car, or mine?” she asked Andy as they walked down the stairs. “Mine.” He said, opening the door for her. “Alright. But you have to drive me home then.” Andy nodded. “Yep. I wouldn’t dream of pissing off a goddess. I am honored to have you in my car ma’am.” He said as he bowed and climbed into the driver’s seat. “Goddess Aubrey…” he said, thinking. “It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” Aubrey smiled and laid her head back in a dream. She drifted into another reality for the rest of the car ride and dreamed her way through classes.
After class, Andy drove her to the strip club where she had to work for a few hours. He had the entire day planned. Aubrey’s best friends Lilly and Mona were going to pick her up from the strip club around 11:45 and they would all meet at a movie theater to watch a movie that Aubrey hated. Then Andy would ‘rescue’ her from her friends and they would go run around in a park where he would give her a bouquet of blue roses… the biggest one would have a 20K diamond ring sticking out of the middle pedals. Andy was extremely excited because he felt he was finally ready to have her as his wife. He felt he was ready to take care of her after 2 years of dating. He knew she loved him, because she’d told him once before. But he’d never said he’d loved her. He’d always told himself that when he was ready to say it, he was ready to act with it.
So he had everything set up, the perfect bouquet of roses was waiting for him at a flower seller in the park with the ring in the center. All he had to do was wait for Lilly and Mona to bring Aubrey to the theater.

On a long crowded street in down town, Aubrey pulled away from her friends. “Aubrey, please come with us!” yelled Mona. “Guys, I told you! I’ll meet you outside the theater at 11:45, I promise! I just have to get something from my house first.” She yelled as she tried to walk through the crowd.
“Aubrey wait! Can’t we drive you?” yelled Lilly after her.
“No, I’ll be there at 11:45 Lilly, I swear! Just wait for me outside the theater with Andy, I’ll be there.” And then she vanished in the crowd.
She walked through the crowds looking for the Calvin Klein store so she could buy herself a new outfit. She was still wearing Andy’s clothes and she was beginning to feel like a little girl and she needed to be wearing women’s clothes again. It was starting to rain so she started to run down the streets, her jean backpack from school dangling lifelessly over her right shoulder. As she ran she saw the CK store at the end of the road and sighed with relief. She ran faster and faster but when she came to the point where she had to cross the street, a red truck pulled in front of her, blocking the cross zone. He rolled down the window and said, “You need a lift honey? It’s raining.”
Aubrey shook her head. “No thanks sir. I’m kind of in a hurry, I have to get to the Calvin Klein store up ahead and you’re kind of blocking the crossing zone, could you move your truck please?” she asked with a cute little smile. Then her smile faded when the man opened the door and pointed a gun at her chest. “I’ll give you two choices sweetie, hard, or easy. Your choice.” Aubrey nodded and got in the truck.
Inside there were all kinds of knives and saws. As the man sped off, she got a glimpse of what was going to happen and she screamed as loud as she could before she blacked out.

At 11:45 PM, Lilly and Mona walked up to Andy who was standing by the theater waiting. “Where’s Aubrey?” was the first thing he said when he saw them. Lilly and Mona looked at each other. “She promised she would be here at 11:45, she said she just had to go get a few things.” They decided to wait longer because Aubrey was at times, a but late. But after the first hour, Andy started to get worried. And he called 911. He ran all over down town, looking in every store, screaming her name. He even tried yelling ‘Dakota!’ a few times. But nothing worked. Aubrey was nowhere to be found.
The next morning, her face with a description was on every local news channel.

{2 weeks later}

Aubrey awoke in the hospital room, there was a detective sitting in a chair next to her bed and she looked down at him, confused. “Hello Aubrey, I’m detective Mason.” Said the man in the chair. “I’d like to ask you a few questions if you’re feeling up to it.”
Aubrey stared at the man even more confused that ever. “Who’s Aubrey?” she asked with her calm regular voice. It was as if she had no clue as to what had happened to her.
“You’re Aubrey.” Said the detective.
Aubrey shook her head. “No I’m not.” She said, confused.
The detective turned on the hospital room TV to CNN, and there was a picture of Aubrey with a description. Aubrey looked, curiously at the screen. “Wow, that Aubrey chick looks a lot like me! Is she missing?”
Detective Mason was now the confused one. “You were missing, they found you last night. You’re Aubrey Fleming… you were tortured by a serial killer and left in a ditch, look at your leg.” He said, pointing to her right leg, which was now just a stump.
Aubrey nodded. Aubrey looked down at her right leg, which was under the white hospital blanket, but the shape was obvious. “Oh my god.” She said in horror. “What the hell?!” she screamed.
The detective wasn’t sure what to think. This girl was obviously suffering from amnesia, but he wasn’t trained as a therapist… he was just there to ask her questions.
“Aubrey, I…”
Aubrey broke in and held her hand up, implying she wanted him to shut up.
“Look detective,” she said, half in hysterics from the shock of finding the loss of her leg and turning to the TV screen to look at the picture of the once missing and supposedly found Aubrey Fleming. “I know I may look a lot like this Aubrey chick, but I’m not her.” She said, turning back to him.
The detective decided to play along for a bit to get as much information out as possible.
“Alright then, what should I call you?” he asked, crossing his legs.
“My real name would be nice…” she replied, a little annoyed. “Dakota Moss.”
The detective was at a loss of what to say.
“You look utterly shocked.” Said ‘Dakota’ Laughing a little. “Why do you all think I’m Aubrey? And why am I in the freaking hospital?” she asked after she saw that he wasn’t going to answer.
“You were found in a ditch, with a bloody stump of a leg last night, in the poring rain. You were lying face down in the mud ‘Dakota.’” Answered the detective, equally as annoyed as Dakota.
“Sure, they found me… and obviously, I was drugged or something and possibly tortured, or maybe my leg got cut off by a car, I really have no clue how this happened. But I think I’d know my own name, don’t you think?”
Detective Mason shook his head. “No miss, you’re probably suffering from amnesia.” He broke in.
“You were tortured for 2 weeks and left in a ditch to die. A young woman named Mona Casedy found you on her way home from her job. She saved your life ‘Dakota.’” He said, as he stood up to leave.
Dakota was left in shock and confusion as she watched Detective Mason leave the room and a young man with big blue eyes and sandy hair come in holding a huge bouquet of blue roses.
When she saw him with the flowers, she instantly perked up. Blue roses were her favorite things in the entire world.
“You must be Aubrey’s boyfriend.” She said as he sat down next to her bed.
“What was your name?”
“Andy…” He said, confused. “Aubrey, what’s going on? What do you mean ‘you must be...?’”
“Oh, I’m not Aubrey.” Said Dakota, plainly.
Andy looked confused and a bit shocked. “What are you talking about? You’re obviously Aubrey.”
Dakota shook her head with a little smile. “No… I’m not. Sorry to disappoint you. I’m Dakota Moss.” She stuck out her perfectly freckled hand with a smile, not expecting Andy to do anything, just trying to be polite. When Andy didn’t take it, she let out a deep sigh. “I know how confused you are. But you couldn’t possibly be more confused than I am right now…. I wake up, my leg is completely cut off, I’m in a hospital room and these people I’ve never met in my life keep calling me Aubrey and saying they’re my parents and asking me questions about what happened and if I was okay, and I don’t even know what the heck anyone is talking about.”
Andy sat down in a chair, slowly, taking it all in. His mind was going crazy, as it forced him to realize what had happened. The whole idea that she wasn’t his girlfriend was scaring him even more than it did the others because he actually knew who she was… because Aubrey had told him, Aubrey had even shown him! Though he had never even considered the possibility that Dakota could ever do Aubrey any harm… he had always though Aubrey was playing games and trying to freak him out as a practical joke or something. Until that night when she had actually proved Dakota’s existence. That night, he knew she was real. It still hadn’t brought up the possibility of Dakota hurting Aubrey though. He thought that someone Aubrey created in a story couldn’t possibly do anything to her, even if she wanted her to. And what was hitting Andy the hardest was what he was just beginning to realize… it was his fault.
It was his fault Aubrey had to show him Dakota was real, that’s why she had even come over to his house that night. He had ripped her corset, so she had to borrow his clothes the next morning, and that’s why she had tried to go off by herself to buy a new outfit before meeting them at the theater… She had disappeared that day because she was kidnapped on her way to the store! And Andy was now feeling the guilt, pain and anguish of what he’d done to her… though it was unintentional, he had still caused her kidnap, he alone had caused her to be taken and tortured, and the thing that hurt the worse was that they still hadn’t found her. She was still out there, trapped in her own world that no one could get to, being tortured and hurt and it was all his fault.
As he sat in the chair, getting himself more and more angry and upset about the situation, Dakota was staring at him, extremely confused.

Friends



Behold... the REAL Dr. Doom!!! xD LOL! No, its just johnny in a sheet... darn.



This is my Puppy Sammie and... my shirt.. yea. xD LOL



Here's Josh with his hot claws. i have some too, but i lost them yesterday... >.< xP



This is Me running in front of Johnny... Actually, AROUND Johnny cause i was trying to wrap the sheet around him while he had the ball on his stomach. it was hilarious! and yea, im a dork with my cow-girl hat from Target. big deal. xP
That was one of the most fun days i've ever had.



This is Danniel- i love his hair. xD OH! i miss them all so much. =( but... i AM going home in 5 days, and i will be able to see them then. =) In the back is Johnny with the ball thing and Nate. =)



this is my friends and I at my going away party before i moved to Hong Kong almost a year ago. we were being complete dorks with out red blanket, and we rock. =)
Im on the far right, Johnny is on the far left, then after him is CJ and Danniel between us. xP

Lola's Depression





Here's another story i wrote one night when i was really missing my birthmom a lot. i didnt have anyone to talk to so i just started writing.


Lola
By Lexy Gold

Looking out of her foggy window, Lola slams her pale forehead against the glass and tries to hold back the tears that were fighting so hard to rush into her blue eyes and over flow, pouring down her rose-red cheeks. Unfortunately, they won the battle and Lola surrendered in hysterics as the sobs overwhelmed her.
Today had been the worst day of her life.
She had spent most of it on the Internet, as usual, and had visited all the same blogs and sites as usual. But one blog had been updated… her best friend’s.
Lola had been forced to move away from her beloved country a few months before and had been handling it pretty well. She was about to return home to her friends and family and life was going good. But when she read the reason her best friend hadn’t been talking to her for so long on her blog, she couldn’t hold back the old emotions that had so conveniently re-appeared in the form of a paragraph on her computer screen.
Her best friend was dating someone.
Normally, Lola wouldn’t care. If it had been any of her other friends, she would be happy and maybe a little jealous. But when her best friend had a boy friend, it meant that Lola got kicked out of the picture for a very long time.
Men seemed to do that a lot in her life. When Lola was three years old, her birthmother fell in love with a man who was the type of man who couldn’t ever love a child like his own if the child weren’t his biologically. So her birthmother made the hardest decision she would ever make, she gave Lola up for adoption.
And Lola’s heart had never fully recovered from that, she had tried to staple, tape, sew it back together by bringing in new people to replace the hurt of what her mother had done to her, but it never worked. She was always left alone and even more broken than before.
Her best friend had been one of those ‘replacements’ she had tried. She loved her a lot, and when her best friend ignored her, it brought back the same depressing heartbreak as before.
And now, with her head pressed hard against her window overlooking the thunderstorm that crowned the mountains across from hers, she let go of any hold she had in the battle against her emotions and let her tears and sobs over take her as she retreated in hysterics.
She sat, falling apart on her windowsill, crying. She cried for all the years she’d spent empty. She cried for all the years wasted trying to find someone to fill the empty space in her heart that her birthmother should have filled.
She cried for all the hours she’d spent in the battle when she knew she would eventually give in.
She cried for all the times she’d told herself she could go on when she knew she couldn’t, when she knew she would just fall apart and want to die.
She cried because she wanted to die, because she didn’t want to go on living if she had to keep searching for someone to fill the emptiness inside her.
And she cried because she knew she would never find someone.
Because no one would ever care about some little girl crying in her bedroom at 1 in the morning, no one would ever care about how she felt that moment, because no one would ever know.

The Conception of Herself


This is the story im currently writing... its a re-write of this summer's up coming thriller "I Know Who Killed Me"... here it is:


The Conception of Herself

Walking out onto the stage, in her corset, Lacy see-through underwear and guarders holding up her sexy black leggings… a young woman slowly and seductively approaches the long pole in the middle of the floor. And without a smile, she steps up and wraps her long freckled leg around it’s cold, stinging metal. She bends backwards, with the music and begins her pole dance. She kept the same solemn expression on her face for the entire dance as the men around the stage whistle, cheer and throw small bills up at her feet. She seemed like she wasn’t even inside her own body… not in touch with her own soul. She looked like her soul was hovering on the crowd, watching her perform. She was absent minded, deep in thought; the smoke from the cigars filled her unblinking hazel eyes. Her body moved so smoothly and perfect around the pole. As she dipped her neck and shoulders, followed by her abs and hips and ended with a quick bend of her knees and slowly edging back up the pole with her long arms moving as soft as a dove, but as sneaky as a snake. She was an expert at the dance.
But when it ended, the crowds cheered and threw more money and she seemed to get her soul back. A pole-dancing artist who earned her quick money had possessed her, and after the dance ended, that artist left and the sweet girl she once was returned to her body. After counting her profits, she set out for the long, muddy roads down town that lead to the Calvin Klein store in down town Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Her Name is Aubrey Fleming.
She knew how to turn her life into a movie and watch things happen.
Not to her, but to a girl who looks just like her.
How would she ever be able to find her other half?
She knew only that she had to try, she had no choice.
Was she the wet 20-year-old redhead with hazel green eyes that glistened when it rained and a perfectly freckled completion running on the side of the road with the soaked jean backpack dangling lifelessly over her right shoulder? Perhaps. Who could really tell for sure?
Before anyone could have a chance to find out, the girl was picked up by a Man in a Black base ball cap driving a red pick up truck in down town. Off they drove, in the Pouring rain, the windshield wipers working at full speed. As the truck disappeared over the hill, you could hear a faint scream. The next morning, if you had turned on your TV to any of the local news channels, you would have seen a picture of that same girl, the same girl who was running on the side of the road toward that Calvin Klein store Last night. Her Name was Aubrey Fleming, and she is America’s latest missing person.


This video will scare the shit out of you, im not kidding

Nothing much to say

Im starting a blog so that i'll actually have somewhere i can go to write my thoughts other than Office Word.
Im Lexy Gold... im 14, and Im pretty much a loser, but that's okay... people love losers, so i guess i'll turn out fine.
My dream is to get into acting/singing so i can convert celebs to christianity secretly from inside the heart of Hollywood.
They wont know what hit 'em. xP

My Goal is to live my life out in a way that pleases God (as best i can...) so that i can hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" when i eventually turn to dirt at the end of it.

I'll be posting my stories that i write and my thoughts and everything on here, so... yea.
This will be a place to vent.

~L.G~