Giving Up- A song i wrote for Kyra (IF you'd call me i might sing it for you)

There’s no way I will ever open up to you
There’s no way you will ever know the truth
There’s a world all my own inside of me
The protective layers have broken down to three
They’re what keep you from being able to see
What goes on inside of me-
My God, they’re so horrible; things that they say to me
Make me run back to my bedroom and cut myself
All up into pieces cause
That’s what they all did to my heart and yea,
That’s the only way I ever begin to start to
Try explain to you what the hell is inside of me
The only way I ever let myself see
How completely inadequate this whole-damn-thing is compared to the way it should be---
O God, its so horrible; things that they say to me
Make me run back to my bedroom and cut myself
And in my hysterics I cry out to you
Oh my God, wont you help me? I don’t know how to
Get a grip on my life that is scattered around me
I stretch up on my toes and try hard to see…
I stretch up on my toes and look out my window
It’s beginning to rain, and O God, you must know
How I’ve secretly prayed in my room that the rain would come

But my heart is still sad so I take out my gun
If you loved me you’d know he would have been the one-
And-only who ever really loved me enough
To keep me from pulling this trigger and giving up

There’s no way I’ll ever open up to you
There’s no way you will ever know the truth
There’s a world inside of me-
It’s haunting me-
It wont let me breath-
I can’t even see me…
O God, if you’re listening, I’m sorry I swore
It’s the things that they tell me, I can’t just ignore
Everyday it’s this walking through Hell’s flaming door
Now I’m craving the burning, my heart’s been so torn
Oh my God, wont you stop me before I shoot myself.

O, I've lived over the ages ignoring the Pain
that arrived on the wind and inside of the rain
It blew in through my broken old window
It let out the heat and brought in all the cold
Which of course came and smashed my one last bit of hope
And O God, you wont save me- i finally know
I've been begging for something you constantly show
I'm too stubborn to sit down and do as I'm told
My Body's used up- but Im fifteen-years-old
I blow up at the smallest of things- like the cold
My glass is half empty, i hate when its full
And I hate when i push all you do is pull
Why cant you let go, and i'll pay with my soul
I dont care- i dont belong anywhere