Its all a Beautiful Lie

I've been thinking and talking with my friend grace a lot... this is one of our PMs from SL- or, my part anyways. i wont go and post things that she says on my blog. xP so... yea.

Live...and die... hhm, yea, i guess... that's actually the mood i've been in for a while, i wanna get through life as fast as i can so i can be with God sooner and i wont be feeling like crap about my birthmom all the time... but then i thought, i wouldn’t be here if i wasnt supposed to do something. you know? sure, i'd still exist... but i would have died really young or something... i know that every second i have on earth is time that im supposed to do something with... the rapture could happen right now, and its scarry to think about. if we just sit around and never do anything with the time we have here, what's God gonna say to us when we get to the judgment day? "good for you, you sat around." no... he'd be disappointed.
I'm trying to focus on what i can do with the interests he's given me here... like celebs, how can i use my obsession in celebs for him?
seems impossible, the only thing i can come up with, but i guess nothing's really impossible.

I dont know really, I've been so extremely confused for the past couple weeks about this whole thing, I feel like im traped in the Matrix... No Joke. i actually feel like im not here right now, like Im somewhere else, but im stuck here and while i wait to return to my other half im supposed to do something important.
I figured that some ministry for/with celebrities would be a good start, but then that brings up another problem... HOW amd i supposed to do it?! Its not like i can just walk into NYU in 4 years and be like "K, im here, give me an agent." i have to actually work REALLY hard for it, and even if i do, and i succeed and everything, I still might not get picked for anything!
Its all kind of depressing and making me wish i was like a little sibling of one of the huge celebs, like Jamie Lynn Spears or Aliana Lohan... they dont know how lucky they are.
but i guess if i WAS related to one of the amazing celebs, i would be trashy and horrid like the rest of them and would have never gotten this ambition.
its all confusing and a bit annoying- cause i feel like i'll never be adequate enough for Hollywood's aspects unless i stoop down to their level... but if i do that, i might get sucked into the black hole of missing stuff and lost/crushed dreams and pulled into a universe of Parties and drinking and drugs, and it would be horrible, but in a beautiful way.
It would be like my dear Lindsay Lohan's song... (which is actually sort of evil, the beginning...) "Its a beautiful Life, Or Lie"
I finnaly interpreted that song to have some good meaning, along with its wicked beginning. She refers to God as a "she" which made me cry for her. and if she somehow reads this blog on her blackberry durring her next interview like she does apparently, all the time, good for her. she'll think i suck. and i dont care.
The rest of the song actually has a very introverted back ground in its lyrics though,
it goes:


"God wont talk to me, I guess *he's pretty busy lately
I'd like to believe *he's Listening.
Im starting to feel
all of my bruises imagined are real
and i'll get through each day
I dig through the bad ones
to get to the good ones
who's keeping score anyway?

And this is my beautiful Life
the only thing certain is everything changes.
Lows and the highs, and all those goodbyes!
as hard as it gets, i know it's still amazing
to be alive
Its a beautiful Life.

I talk in my sleep
that's the one place i know no one can hear me
I tell myself things
Dont walk in the shaddows
there's always tomorrow,
and im right where I wanna be!

And this is my beautiful Life
the only thing certain is everything changes.
Lows and the highs, and all those goodbyes!
as hard as it gets, i know it's still amazing
to be alive
Its a beautiful Life.

Oh! It hurts while its happening!
I wanna feel everything!
how can you know till you try?

and this is my... beautiful Life...
Oh... hhh

My Beautiful Life! The only thing certain is EVERYTHING changes!
Lows and the HIGHS! And ALL those goodbyes!
As hard as it gets i know its still amazing
To be alive!

Its a beautiful life
its a beautiful life
Its a beautiful... life...
or lie."


Now, depending on if you're listening with your mind open or not, you might intemperate it differently. people who hate her guts will be like "the song sucks, blah blah, she's lame" but if you arent focusing on her... and focusing on the deeper meanings, what would you come up with?

here's my interpretation...

The first verse was just there cuz she wanted to make everyone happy with her, by putting in spiritual meaning.... and possibly so she could take off her shirt and wear a rosary for the album art. (xP)
I dig through the bad ones to get to the good ones... That is a good idea for an atheist... keeps you from having suicidal thoughts, and still gives you hope and something to look forward to... tomorrow is a new day.


The chorus... now, i love the chorus. the only thing certain is everything changes... absolutely true. nothing in your life is certain... but you know for sure everything will eventually change, and you have no control over it... she's saying she's letting go, and going with the flow of her life... and that she isnt gonna give up just cuz its hard, she loves being alive and enjoys it, even the rough parts. cause that's part of being human, you go through tough times.

The second verse, now... is my favorite part of the song, because it relates the most to me.
I talk in my sleep, thats the one place i know no one can hear me... I used to do that. though, i would half talk myself TO sleep, because it would induce certain dreams i wanted, and i knew that if i could lock myself in my own world while i slept, i would feel safe. that was back when i trusted Lindsay for everything in my life, instead of relying on God. It was so wrong, but the song i think still had meaning.
I tell myself things, dont walk in the shaddows, there's always tomorrow, im right where i wanna be... now, this part of the verse is good as well. she's given up into the darkness, but she stil has her fears... the shaddows are dangerous, even if you give into them... There's always tomorrow, keeps you going in the rough times... it urges you on just a bit further. You'll always have something to look forward to, tomorrow. but i must warn you all who are not believers, where do you think you'll be going when it all ends? if you just live each day, take baby steps through your life, what have you lived for? and where are you going? these are my questions for all you atheists out there.

the bridge, yes... the bridge is good,
It hurts while its happening, i wanna feel everything, how can you know till you try?
This applies to everyone. Think about it all, Life hurts while its happening, but you want to feel as much as you possibly can before it ends, and how CAN you know till you try? You cant have a theory on life until you've lived it, but if you've lived it you have to deal with all the pain and hurt and the sudden stop at the end that's gonna sting.

and then, the end, she whispers the words "or Lie" and i smiled and said "Bravo Lindsay, Bravo." it was very well thought out, and i agree with the title that she's awarded herself... "Introspective" because she is. she's worked with Kara Dioguardi on all her songs and i applaud her.
well done.