Lola's Depression

Here's another story i wrote one night when i was really missing my birthmom a lot. i didnt have anyone to talk to so i just started writing.


Lola
By Lexy Gold

Looking out of her foggy window, Lola slams her pale forehead against the glass and tries to hold back the tears that were fighting so hard to rush into her blue eyes and over flow, pouring down her rose-red cheeks. Unfortunately, they won the battle and Lola surrendered in hysterics as the sobs overwhelmed her.
Today had been the worst day of her life.
She had spent most of it on the Internet, as usual, and had visited all the same blogs and sites as usual. But one blog had been updated… her best friend’s.
Lola had been forced to move away from her beloved country a few months before and had been handling it pretty well. She was about to return home to her friends and family and life was going good. But when she read the reason her best friend hadn’t been talking to her for so long on her blog, she couldn’t hold back the old emotions that had so conveniently re-appeared in the form of a paragraph on her computer screen.
Her best friend was dating someone.
Normally, Lola wouldn’t care. If it had been any of her other friends, she would be happy and maybe a little jealous. But when her best friend had a boy friend, it meant that Lola got kicked out of the picture for a very long time.
Men seemed to do that a lot in her life. When Lola was three years old, her birthmother fell in love with a man who was the type of man who couldn’t ever love a child like his own if the child weren’t his biologically. So her birthmother made the hardest decision she would ever make, she gave Lola up for adoption.
And Lola’s heart had never fully recovered from that, she had tried to staple, tape, sew it back together by bringing in new people to replace the hurt of what her mother had done to her, but it never worked. She was always left alone and even more broken than before.
Her best friend had been one of those ‘replacements’ she had tried. She loved her a lot, and when her best friend ignored her, it brought back the same depressing heartbreak as before.
And now, with her head pressed hard against her window overlooking the thunderstorm that crowned the mountains across from hers, she let go of any hold she had in the battle against her emotions and let her tears and sobs over take her as she retreated in hysterics.
She sat, falling apart on her windowsill, crying. She cried for all the years she’d spent empty. She cried for all the years wasted trying to find someone to fill the empty space in her heart that her birthmother should have filled.
She cried for all the hours she’d spent in the battle when she knew she would eventually give in.
She cried for all the times she’d told herself she could go on when she knew she couldn’t, when she knew she would just fall apart and want to die.
She cried because she wanted to die, because she didn’t want to go on living if she had to keep searching for someone to fill the emptiness inside her.
And she cried because she knew she would never find someone.
Because no one would ever care about some little girl crying in her bedroom at 1 in the morning, no one would ever care about how she felt that moment, because no one would ever know.