Again, i need somewhere to put my stories for when i move and they wont be with me for 6 months as i'll be waiting for my computer to arive at my house. xP
so... sorry, i know i suck at writing. but y'all can just ignore the stories... (those of you who actually read this... not that there are any, which makes me feel better about posting my lame stories. xP)
She awoke the next morning; her sides ached from crying all night.
She lay in her bed, her make up from the previous day that had been running down her cheeks had dried and there were black streaks leading from the dark circles under her eyes to her chin. She sat up in her bed and slid her legs over the edge of the mattress and out from under her black sheets and comforter.
She leaned over the side and grabbed her head with both hands and spread her fingers out wide. With an exhausted yawn, she fell backwards on the bed again.
She moaned and rolled over. It was summer, so she didn’t have to go to school, she didn’t have to do chores because they had a maid, and she had the privilege of laying in bed all day long. But she didn’t really want to. What she really wanted was to get on her phone and call her birthmother who was over in America with her 3 other children she had had after Lola had been adopted by her older sister.
What Lola really wanted was to somehow contact her mother and let her know all of her emotions and what she had been feeling deep down ever since the day that her mother had driven her off to her sister’s house and left her there.
She desperately wanted to run back to America, collapse in her mother’s arms and never let her leave her again.
She wanted to tell her everything about how she denied ever needing her mother after she’d given her up, but how she always needed her... every second without her was torture. She wanted to tell her how angry she was with her about how she had given her up, but she’d kept all her other kids, and how she still visited her, but never said anything about it. She wanted to know if her mother felt the same way about her, too.
But Lola was too depressed. She lay there, on her bed, lifelessly.
She wanted to die. She wanted to get up and kill herself, but she couldn’t.
She feared that if she moved she would do something very bad, so she forced herself to lie still, and she tried to walk back up to the battle line.
She slowly and cautiously picked up her sword. And then she thought… what would happen if she let herself die in her mind? Would she go crazy? Or would she die just like Aubrey Fleming did in that one horror film? You know, the one her mom wont let her watch because its rated R… and because she cant watch it, she knows everything about it.
She lies on her black sheets, deep in thought.
Though outside, she looked peaceful, inside her introverted mind, she was fighting hard.
She was debating herself over the few options she had.
To call her mother, to just lie there doing nothing and feeling sorry for herself, or to let herself basically die inside the world she had created for herself as a safe haven where she could run and hide when things in the real world got too hard, a safe haven which had now become a battle field of her thoughts.
And she was the captain, leading both teams… that made it even more depressing and confusing, because she didn’t know which side she was on, and she didn’t know which side to fight for.
There she stands, in her world, with her sword clutched close to her chest, in the middle of the fight. Both sides are screaming at her to give them orders, and no one was co-operating. This was making Lola even more confused because she couldn’t control where her mind was taking her anymore. She couldn’t control what happened in her mind, and she couldn’t believe that she was losing a battle she had made up.
It all just seemed so inadequate to reality and completely insane. The chaos made Lola’s brain hurt… a lot. She stood in the middle of a battle she had made up to take place of her real battles, and she was losing to herself. So she did the only thing she thought she had control over… she took her sword and plunged it into her heart. As she fell lifelessly onto her own ground, her own blood flowing from her body that had just lost its soul, but in the real world, she was un-knowingly picking up her cell phone and dialing a long distance phone number. She called her mother and had almost a 3-hour conversation, bawling the whole time. She still didn’t get an answer though; she was still left alone, with no one. She knew that she’d never get her mother back; she’d never be her baby again. She’d never get anything she wanted. When she hung up the phone, her eyes opened wide and she sat up in her bed. It was a dream, a fantasy. I guess she’s been living in her fictional world a lot lately. The trouble is, she didn’t know if she’d even spoken with her mother, had she? Or had she just wished it and it became real in her own world, but not in the real one? Did her mother really know how she felt, or had she just wished that too? Is she even in reality? Jeez, Lola has mental problems.
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